My hand turned me down
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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