Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
