the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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