judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
