i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The ass gains better be worth it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
