3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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