What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
