yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
