I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
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dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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