Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
