So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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