i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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