If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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