You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
