A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
