So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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