I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
