I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
