it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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