i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
