My balls are so social today.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
