brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
