I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
Hahaha April fools!
...so i touched it.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him