people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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