he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
