I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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