I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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