i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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