The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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