You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
don't judge my taste in strippers
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
