Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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