You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
