dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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