dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
