I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
These tits shall not be calmed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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