I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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