I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
