my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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