Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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