# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
