September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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