I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
