Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize