A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
