Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
