Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
