Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
