There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
