if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
