My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
