Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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