Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
