At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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