Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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