I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
