Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
