can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
