Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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