He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
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Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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