There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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