oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
