I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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