I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
